So Saturday morning my buddy Gabe and I met at the Mountain Inn. After a few cups of coffee we left for the Farmer's Market, stopping briefly at the gas station on the corner. As we were preparing to head back south on Dort from the gas station I hear Gabe say "What's that guy doing?" I look up and see an east-bound Explorer creeping across Dort on Mt. Morris. I look up at the light and see he has the red. My eyes go wide and I look to my left in time to see a lawn care service truck barreling north on Dort. Gabe and I begin saying "Nononono!" and before we can blink the truck t-bones the Explorer sending it flying. The truck is the rebounded into two more cars. Gabe floors the truck and jumps the curb. I'm already talking to 911 and Gabe, being a fireman, is yanking doors open and making sure people are ok.

I finish my phone cal and run over to the Explorer. The driver is sprawled across both seats. Not comfortable. This is why we wear our seatbelts, kids. I can see this guy already has some sort of issues going on. He's in his 50's, has a cane and his right arm is covered in golfball-sized tumors. I open his driver's side door as he begins to sit up. He pulls at the leg of his sweatpants and asks "Am I cut?" I look and at first I'm worried because I believe I'm seeing a compound fracture just shy of breaking skin. I touch it. Nope. Just another tumor.

Gross.

At this point he asks me to call his wife. I get sent to voicemail and leave the message that her husband has just been in an accident but seems to be ok. I inform him. He thanks me and asks me to close his door. I ask why he wants his door closed. He says "I need to pee." and produces a plastic cup with one hand and pulls his penis out with the other. I shut the door.

Four cruisers and two ambulance rigs later everyone seems ok and Gabe and are finally able to make our journey to the Farmer's Market.

Here's some relevant pictures:

Legend

A. Jon and Gabe's position
B. Point of impact
C. Where the Explorer came to rest, threading two gas pumps
D. Where Jon is likely to be found on a nice night