So last night I'm at my local drinking establishment. I walk up to the bar and this guy to my left is like "Dude." I ignore him and try to catch the bartender's eye. Again from the left: "Dude".

Sigh.

Why?

Why do you have to talk to me,man? I don't know you. I pretty sure I don't want to know you.

"Dude!"

I turn and look and I'm like "What?"

He lifts his head slightly, looking over my shoulder.

I turn.

There, in front of god and an apparently oblivious bar crowd, some chick 10 feet away has her back to me. She's making out hardcore with some dude. And he has her pants pulled down past her ass cheeks.

Ass.

Exposed.

Moreover, homeboy has his hand behind her taking a roundabout assault on her kitty, and he is workin' it.

Hard.

Like it owed him money.

I glance quickly at the guy who pointed this out to me. He just smiles and nods his head. My face is all the thanks he needs.

Never one to turn down a free show, I bust out my phone and start video mode.

See, here's where the story goes downhill. If things had gone according to plan, y'all would be watching some amateur public freakiness on my blog right now.

Things did not go according to plan.

Apparently, I never actually started recording. I was roundly cursed about the bar for this for the remainder of the night.

Anyway, then the guy and girl get into a yelling match. Don't ask me how he fucked that situation up. Next thing I know he wants to fight me and my friends and he leaves.

Never a dull moment...