Matt, you know I'm a Cage apologist. You know this. We've had this dance a million times. Well... The best way to describe this is to evoke a memory. Recall when Bush's "fool me twice" gaffe went up on YouTube and Scott had been going on and on about how awesome Bush was and then we showed him that clip and he just kind of hung his head and slunk away to look at child pornography? That's exactly how I reacted to this movie. Minus the kiddie porn of course. Ben has mine and I'm currently forced to crank one off to the Toys R Us catalog.
But I digress.
Nic Cage is a shitty, shitty actor. To be fair (and this is the only caveat I'm adding) I don't think *anyone* could have saved this movie. It was doomed from the start as it was a remake of a classic movie.
I will save you the time and effort and present to you the highlights reel of this turd:
"But, Jon" you say "I have no context for these clips. Surely they make sense and are much better in the context of the entire movie."
At this I smile sadly at you, knowing that one day your naivete will lead to your death, likely at my hands. But today you are a precious innocent.
"No, my love. No. No context could ever de-nonsensify this movie lest it be the cursed writings of the Mad Arab Abdul Alhazred and his thrice-damned Necronomicon Ex Mortis. Or perhaps De Vermis Mysteriis, Unaussprechlichen Kulten or even The Book of Eibon. Any of these eldritch tomes might shed light on the internal logic of this film but only at the cost of your sanity.
Discuss.
