Or an African.
Or she sympathizes with the oppressive hegemony under which trees are disenfranchised.
Or some ridiculous bullshit.
Who fucking knows at this point?
Anyway, the other day I stumbled across this article. Now, setting aside for a moment that this guy is the biggest asshole in the guise of a nerd since John Mangopoulos and that his theories hold about as much water as a raisin in the middle of the Gobi desert on the Fourth of July at high noon, I was able to chuckle at his ravings. Why? When you think about it, David R. Usher may be the "Senior Policy Analyst for the True Equality Network" whatever the fuck that means, but at least he isn't running for political office.
But, I digress...
After having read such an amusing, uh... theory, I thought I'd share with a few people. Monica, being foremost in mind.
Jon (8:31 AM):
I thought you might find this amusing...
"Forty-five states have enacted constitutional amendments barring same-sex marriage, for good reasons beyond the most dangerous civil one: If any two women can marry each other, marriage will eventually become a feminist monopoly.
Feminists dearly want feminist marriage because it would feature at least six incomes: the earnings of two mothers, at least two sets of child support orders, and two sets of welfare entitlements. Feminists have invested tremendous resources litigating, whining, and screaming “discrimination” since the late 1980’s when they decided same-sex marriage was the best way to finally end all social attachments to men, ending poverty for single mothers, while making feminist marriage handsomely profitable."
http://mensnewsdaily.com/2007/09/25/gay-marriage-and-civil-unions-are-unconstitutional/
Baobab (10:15 AM):
Feminist marriage. HAHAHAHAHA
Baobab (10:15 AM):
Will you feminist marry me?
Jon (10:15 AM):
Only if you feminist divorce me!
Baobab (10:17 AM):
Only if you play feminist monopoly with me!
Jon (10:17 AM):
Only if I can be the feminist race car!
Baobab (10:24 AM):
Only if you wash your manhood off my feminist monopoly money!
Jon (10:30 AM):
Only if your monopoly money features images of women of accomplishment!
Baobab (10:33 AM):
Only if the "accomplishment" you speak of doesn't involve riding coat tails of men!
Jon (10:33 AM):
Only if the "men" you speak of are paying child support!
Baobab (10:35 AM):
Only if the "child" you speak of was born via freedom of choice!
Jon (10:36 AM):
Only if the "child" you speak of is a lesbian!
Baobab (10:40 AM):
Only if she's a lesbian because she's reacting to the patriarchal structures in society that are inflicting widespread oppression which conflates genitalia with social identity!
Jon (10:42 AM):
Only if she'd have been a lesbian anyway since it's a genetically determined variation of humanity!
Baobab (10:44 AM):
Only if by "genetic" you mean completely sociocultural and henceforth out of the domain of eugenics!
Jon (10:45 AM):
Only if by "eugenics" you mean "Yes, please sign me up"!
Baobab (10:45 AM):
Only if by "Yes, please sign me up" you mean "Please gouge my eyeballs out with rusty spoons and jam them in my nutty pucker"!
Jon (10:46 AM):
Is it any wonder I love that girl of mine?
Baobab (10:49 AM):
Phew, that was thesongthatneverends!
Baobab (10:50 AM):
It's totally bloggable material though.
Good work.
Jon (10:53 AM):
Wait! I'm gonna come!
Baobab (10:57 AM):
Stop it!
Jon (11:01 AM):
You're surprisingly tight for a woman with a prolapsed uterus. I will leave positive feedback so as not to damage your eBay triple gold star rating.
Baobab (11:04 AM):
I hove you.
Jon (11:05 AM):
I may never see you again. But I will totally make out with my hand and pretend it's you.
Did I mention our IMs get a bit ridiculous?
I seem to have strayed again from my original point. I shall rectify this by closing with this summation: Fuck you, David R. Usher, Senior Policy Analyst for the True Equality Network. Fuck you with a rusty spigot. And while I'm at it, Fuck John Mangopoulos too. Donkey-raping shit-eaters both.
Aaaaaaaaaand...Scene!
