The NEWS (I use all-caps there as at the time it was warranted) was that Jackson planned on expanding the King Kong production into a trilogy:
King Kong - December 2005
King Kong: Son of Kong - June 2006
King Kong: Into the Wolf's Lair - December 2006
Son of Kong would concern the adventures of Jack Black's character and, well, the Son of Kong. Borrrrrrrrrrrinnnnnnnggggg. However, the third movie sounded, as Aristotle would say "fucking tits". The plot would see the Son of Kong being shipped to Europe to fight Nazis with Allied forces during the last days of World War II. The concept art included a picture of Jack Black and a companion sitting astride the shoulders of Son of Kong in special saddles, each mounted with .50 caliber machine guns.
Again, fucking tits.
Suddenly, dorks who wished Jackson would fuck off about this stupid remake of a film that already had a shitty remake and make The goddamned Hobbit already, were a bit quieter. Things were gonna be ok.
I nearly wept.
About, I dunno, six months later, Peter Jackson posted a new video diary in which he apologized and pointed out that had nerds worldwide been a bit more astute in regards to the date that the Kong trilogy diary had been released, one might have realized it was April 1.
It was all a goddamned prank. And a good one.
Jackson marveled at how many people were taken in and he apologized saying it was only meant in fun and felt slightly bad that so many people took it seriously.
I nearly wept.
Anyway, I told you that story to tell you this one...
Word on the street is that Jurassic Park 4 has been greenlighted. Now, I like the Jurassic Park movies as much as the next guy. But not even Jeff Goldblum stopped JP3 from sucking like a Vietnamese hooker. But wait! The licensing has been okayed for a fourth time? How can they possibly wring anything more out of this franchise?? What's a movie exec to do??
I picture the brainstorming session went something like this...
"Christ! I'm in a bind here, Larry! A fucking bind! I told Mitchell we had a plot for Jurassic Park 4. That was eight months ago! I thought he was kidding! Well he wasn't! He called me and said they're set to start pre-production next week and wants to hear all about it this afternoon! What the FUCK am I gonna do, Larry? I'm gonna lose my job. I'm gonna lose my fuckin' job and I'll have to schelp it as a loser for some big shot like you do. Oh fuck your feelings, Larry! This is serious shit!! Okay, I can do this.... I can do this... After all, I'm the guy who discovered Yahoo Serious, am I right?? Okay, okay.... Um...We got some people on the island and....there's dinosaurs all around them. Uh.....uh...oh fuck it!.. The dinosaurs have guns. I'm a fucking genius! Hold my calls, I'm taking lunch and getting a blowjob!"
In case you think I'm kidding...
And so once again, I'm tantalized by this ridiculous piece of possible rumor. It's tempting to believe in but I just don't know if I can go through the pain of having it ripped away from me again.
Maybe next time the dinos will be in outer space and the guns will shoot AIDS. I'd fucking pay to see that shit.
